Recently, a friend of mine came to me for a conversation about life. I could tell something was weighing heavily on his heart. As we talked, he confided in me about his struggles. He admitted that he had deep feelings for someone — a woman he admired deeply. He wasn’t sure if what he felt for her could truly be called love. 

“What even is love, really?” he asked. “How do you define it?” 

What he did know was that this woman was special to him. 

“She’s amazing — kind, supportive, and good to me,” he said. “I know she loves me, too. And if I were to ask her to marry me today, even with nothing to my name, she’d say yes.” 

Yet, despite their mutual affection, they weren’t married. Naturally, I asked him why. 

Why He Didn’t Propose Yet

His reasons were layered with uncertainty and fear. He explained that he felt unprepared for marriage. 

“I have no money,” he said. “How can I support someone when I can barely support myself?” 

Beyond finances, he doubted his emotional readiness and his ability to handle the responsibilities of marriage. 

“What if I fail her?” he said, his voice heavy with concern. 

He also opened up about how his life hadn’t quite reached the place he had envisioned or hoped for. He acknowledged that he wasn’t where he wanted to be in terms of financial stability, educational achievements, or even his spiritual growth. Despite grappling with these uncertainties and moments of doubt, he conveyed a strong sense of trust and confidence in Allah’s provision and guidance.

“I trust in Allah,” he said.

“Allah says, ‘And He will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah — then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose.’” 
(Qur’an 65:3) 

Even so, he admitted that he felt torn. The woman he loved had recently sent him a message that left him reflecting deeply. 

She wrote: 

“If you’re as serious about me as you say you are, you’d leave me alone for the sake of Allah. I want to focus on myself and my deen. I want to better myself, and the first step is clearing things up with you. Wallahi, I don’t want to be in a situation that displeases Allah. If we were to marry, I’d want it to be in a halal way that pleases Allah. Insha’Allah, may Allah reunite us when we are both ready for marriage.” 

Her words, though filled with love, reminded him of the seriousness of their situation. They both knew their current relationship wasn’t halal, and that continuing it displeased Allah. Yet, they struggled to part ways — caught between their feelings and their faith. 

“I want to leave her alone,” he said, “but I can’t seem to let go. I’m stuck between what I want and what I know is right. What should I do?” 

The Reality Many Are Living Today

His struggle mirrored the challenges many young Muslims face, especially in the Western world. Relationships with the opposite gender, whether they involve dating, casual interactions, or emotional attachments, often lead to difficult questions: 

• Do we truly understand the boundaries Islam sets for us? 

• Do we engage in activities like dating or casual hangouts, and if so, how do they make us feel? 

• Do these behaviors weigh on our conscience, or have we normalized them? 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“For a nail of iron to be driven into the head of one of you would be better for him than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.” 
(al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 16910, Sahih according to Al-Albani) 

This saying has always resonated with me. It’s a stark reminder of the importance Islam places on boundaries. Yet, knowing this doesn’t make the struggle any less real. 

We are human. We falter. We struggle. 

The Consequences of Continuing in the Wrong 

Continuing a relationship outside the bounds of what Allah permits can have far-reaching consequences. It can lead to guilt, spiritual turmoil, and distance from Allah. Relationships that are not halal can distract us from focusing on personal growth and strengthening our relationship with Allah. While they might provide temporary comfort, they often leave us feeling more lost and unfulfilled in the long run. 

Our religion sets clear guidelines not to restrict us, but to protect us. Allah, in His wisdom, knows that interactions between the opposite genders can lead to emotional attachment, blurred boundaries, and temptations. These can erode our spiritual well-being and lead us away from the path of righteousness. 

Advice for My Friend (and All of Us) 

To my friend, and to anyone facing a similar struggle, I say this: 
Remember that Allah is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem. 
He knows your struggles and sees your intentions. If you’re sincerely striving to please Him, He will guide you. 

If you truly love someone, show that love by respecting Allah’s guidelines. Strengthen your relationship with Allah first. Work on yourself, grow spiritually, and trust that if this person is meant for you, Allah will bring you together in a way that is halal and blessed. 

Yes, leaving someone you love for the sake of Allah is one of the hardest tests you can face. 
But it’s also one of the most rewarding. 

Prioritize Allah’s pleasure above all else, and He will grant you peace and fulfillment that no worldly relationship can offer. 

May Allah guide us all, help us overcome our struggles, and grant us success in this life and the Hereafter. 

Ameen. 

Next Friday: Chapter 6 – Dating in Today’s World

Many Muslims have normalized dating — even though Islam clearly forbids it.
But does society’s acceptance make it any less haram?

New blog drops next Friday at 7 PM (ET).